Life a Beach, and then you Dry

I was woken from a peaceful slumber cause by the consumption of many beers by Sara this morning, who informed me that we would be going to the beach. As I'm not really one that enjoys being around large groups of people herding around in skimpy clothing (hence you not finding me at nightclubs or Applebees), I did everything to get out of it. From whining like a bitch to the Miles Gordon patented "puppy dog of sadness" face, I could not overcome the wily charms of my better half.

Once we got to the beach, Sara got into her beach clothing (showing off her awesome rack by the way) I decided to wade through the dregs of humanity to find any nuggets of humor...or shark's teeth.

What I found:

- A skinny white man with snoop dogg braided hair that apparently his fat friend/prison bitch made for him. I watched as these two lover boys tried their charms on any women that came their way...including two women apparently mentally retarded. They may have developmental problems, but even these women could see that Snoop and the Fatman would make bad choices for mates. Good for you girls.

- Kids who think that's it perfectly OK to splash water on me for no reason. They apparently have a problem though if I grab a bucket, fill it with mother nature's sink, and splash the diseased little bastards with her own backwash.

- Women wearing swimsuits that tell you that the material holding them in is working overtime. Look out.

- Men watching these women. I'll write about that soon.

- The only pair of boobs I got to see belonged to some 300 pound guy. They were impressive though.

As we finally left (and my skin burned to a toasty crisp), I noticed two more things. One, was the van in front of us with two 12 packs of the worst beer ever (Milwaukee's best) strapped on the back. Why no put it IN the van and not let us know you have terrible taste in beer?

Oh the other thing? A fat Jesse Duke on one of those motorized carts heading to the beach.

"It looks like Ol' Uncle Jesse is in for a heap of diabetes and sunburn".