Nature is NOT a gum flavor

Now just because I'm a celebrity (and I use that term in the absolute loosest of terms) doesn't mean I don't do ordinary things. I hold the door open for people, I help little old ladies across the street (even if they don't want to) and most importantly, I buy gum. Chewing gum would remind me of the happy times as a kid with my mom. Back then (back then...what am I 80?) you'd get the occasional weird flavor...I mean what kid didn't look in astonishment when blue raspberry flavor came out? It's been a while since I've chewed some gum, so I thought I'd do it for nostalgia and to piss off my dentist.

Boy was I in for a shock.

Overwhelmingly outnumbering the more traditional gums were flavors such as Glacier Freeze, Rain, Flare, and Lush. What the hell? Overlooking the fact that these are terrible names to give gum...well let's take "Lush" for instance. It's not a flavor it's a freaking adjective. How does an adjective taste? Beats me, cause I didn't buy the shit.

Does Flare taste like eating road flares? Rain really doesn't have a taste, so how does a gum executive play God and decide a flavor for it? These questions deserve answers dammit.

Also mixed in were abominations where two perfectly fine on their own flavors are mixed together to make the worst combinations of gum ever created. Mint and watermelon? Vanilla and spearmint? Apple and Turpentine? I mean is there no end to this?

Gum executives, please read this....Grape is a flavor...winter mist is not.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to chew some strawberry banana hubba bubba.